I never thought there’d be a day when I’d think being kind has a downside, let alone write about it.
But my experience over the past few months has proved to me that you have to balance your kindness with wisdom in this world; otherwise, you’ll regret it.
I mean, we grew up learning that kindness is a virtue, and as a mom, I instill the value of kindness in my children, as they watch me learn the same.
But as they grow, I’ll also teach them some balance so they don’t experience the downside of kindness.
Everyone loves a kind person.
You’re the one people call when they need help, the one who gives without expecting anything back.
And society celebrates this, which is good, because kindness makes the world a better place.
But nobody talks about the dark side of being kind.
Let me tell you what they don’t say about being a genuinely kind person.
People Will Drain You Dry and Still Ask for More
Here’s one thing I’ve learned in the last few months: takers don’t have limits when they know you’re a giver.
And when you give, it leads to anticipation, then expectation, and then entitlement.
I realize the people I frequently tip always expect a tip whenever they see me.
And when I don’t tip them, some ask me!
It’s always their audacity for me.
And there are people, some relatives and acquaintances that I’ve helped in their time of need, always reaching out, expecting me to give them again.
And I always wonder, “Don’t you people ever think of giving me? Why do you always expect from me?”
Even though I’m a generous person, I’ve decided to stop giving frequently to people who aren’t adding frequent value to me as well.
I learned it the hard way.
Yes, I’m still kind, but with some sense, otherwise people will take advantage of me.
If givers don’t have boundaries, takers have no limits.
Your Boundaries Will Be Treated Like Betrayal
The thing about kind people is that we struggle to say no.
It’s not necessarily that we’re people-pleasers.
We love people and want to help.
But the moment you start setting boundaries, that’s when you’ll know people loved you when you didn’t have boundaries.
Because when you finally can’t help, they act like you’ve committed a crime against them.
What about all those times I helped before?
Forgotten.
The only thing that mattered was the one time I said no.
That’s when I learned that some people don’t actually love you.
They love what you do for them.
And the moment you stop doing it, the “love” disappears.
I don’t care anyway.
I’ve accepted that I have a “Messiah complex”, thinking I can help people or I’m responsible for their happiness, especially when I’m asked for help.
I’m self-aware, and I’m dealing with that mindset.
I’ve accepted that I can’t save everyone.
If I can’t help someone, someone else will help them.
I’m human, not God.
Your Kindness Will Be Mistaken for Stupidity
I can be really kind to my own hurt, but once I notice someone is taking me for a ride, I become indifferent, which I prefer to anger.
Then they’re shocked at how I can switch off so quickly.
But I didn’t just switch off.
I’d been watching the whole time.
People assume that if you’re kind, you’re naive and that you’re too nice to notice when you’re being used.
I like to give people a lot of chances so I can decide how to treat them from thereon because that’s what kind people do.
So, no, I’m not naive.
I know what I’m doing, and if you think I don’t know that you’re taking advantage of me, you’re only kidding yourself.
So, don’t mistake my kindness for stupidity.
I’m not saying stop being kind.
The world needs kind people, but your kindness should have limits.
Your goodness should not come at the cost of your well-being.
Being kind doesn’t mean being available to everyone all the time and giving until you have nothing left.
Real kindness includes being kind to yourself, and sometimes that means disappointing people who’ve gotten too comfortable taking from you.
Protect your kindness, because if you don’t, people will drain it dry and blame you when it runs out.