Happiness is something we all claim to want.
We want happy relationships, good health, money in the bank, successful careers, peaceful homes, healthy children, and all the other beautiful things life has to offer.
But the funny thing is that when happiness finally shows up, some of us don’t know what to do with it.
We become suspicious.
We refuse to get too excited because we don’t want to be disappointed.
Here are some signs you may be more afraid of being happy than you realize.
5 Signs You’re Scared of Being Happy
1. You Are More Comfortable Talking About Your Problems Than Your Joy
No matter how bad things are in anyone’s life, there will be at least one good thing happening.
It might not be a big thing.
Maybe your marriage is struggling, but your career is flourishing.
Yeah, money may be tight, but your children are healthy.
You’re single and tired of dating, but you have amazing friendships.
Maybe nothing spectacular is happening at all, but you slept well last night, ate something delicious, laughed until your stomach hurt, or received a message that made your day.
Life is rarely 100% terrible at the same time.
But some people have become so comfortable with problems that they barely know how to talk about anything else.
Ask them how they’re doing, and within five minutes, you know who offended them, what bill is due, what their husband did, what their boss said, and why life is doing them somehow.
But ask them what’s going well?
Crickets.
And sometimes, it’s not because nothing good is happening.
They’ve only trained themselves to notice pain more than pleasure.
Even when something wonderful happens, they quickly move past it and return to whatever is wrong.
Of course, nobody should pretend everything is wonderful when it isn’t.
But if sadness feels safer to talk about than joy, you might be scared of being happy.
Your life can be messy and still contain things worth smiling about.
2. You Always Expect Something Bad to Happen When Things Are Going Well
Do you ever have that weird feeling where you’re just happy and then something inside you says, “Wait a minute. It’s not normal to be this happy. Something must be coming.”
I hate that feeling.
You can be having the most peaceful day of your life, and instead of enjoying it, your brain decides to become a prophet of doom.
What if something happens to the children?
What if I lose this job?
What if this relationship doesn’t last?
What if this good news is followed by something terrible?
Nothing has happened, but because things are going too well, you become suspicious.
Sometimes, this happens when you’ve experienced enough disappointment that your mind has learned not to trust happiness.
Every time you got excited, something bad happened.
So now, instead of enjoying good seasons, you brace yourself through them.
As if worrying in advance will protect you from pain later.
You don’t have to ruin a beautiful moment just to prove you knew it wouldn’t last forever.
3. You Feel Guilty When Life Is Going Better for You Than for People Around You
I’ve accepted the fact that I have a little messiah complex because tell me why I’m driving in my nice car, see someone struggling by the roadside, and suddenly start feeling bad for being comfortable.
Nobody accused me of anything.
The person probably didn’t even notice me, but my mind has already started.
Life is really unfair.
I should be doing more.
Empathy is a beautiful thing.
I never want to become the kind of person who can see other people’s suffering and feel nothing.
But I’m also learning that feeling guilty for being blessed doesn’t make another person’s life better.
Some women struggle to enjoy good things when people around them are having a hard time.
You get married while your friend is going through a painful breakup, and you feel awkward talking about your husband.
Maybe your business is booming while someone close to you is struggling financially, so you downplay your success.
It seems insensitive to enjoy our lives in front of people who are struggling.
And yes, there is such a thing as being insensitive.
If your friend just lost her job, that’s not the time to complain to her that you can’t decide which designer handbag to buy.
Read the room.
But don’t mistake guilt for empathy.
You can be compassionate without apologizing for your life, and you can help people without feeling guilty that you have something they don’t.
There will always be somebody doing better than you and somebody doing worse.
If you decide you’re only allowed to be happy when everybody around you is equally happy, you will wait forever.
Making yourself miserable is not an act of service.
4. You Don’t Let Yourself Get Too Excited About Anything
I know expectation is the mother of disappointment, but please, allow yourself to be excited sometimes.
Some people have taken “Don’t get your hopes up” and turned it into a lifestyle.
Something wonderful is about to happen, and instead of enjoying the anticipation, you immediately start managing your emotions.
“Let me not get too excited.”
“Anything can happen.”
“It’s not final yet.”
“I don’t want to jinx it.”
Breathe, sis.
Of course, there’s wisdom in managing expectations, and indeed, disappointment hurts.
But refusing to get excited doesn’t protect you from it.
If the thing doesn’t work out, you’ll probably still be disappointed.
The only difference is that you also denied yourself the joy of looking forward to it.
Anticipation is part of happiness too.
Remember how exciting Christmas used to feel when we were children?
Sometimes, the weeks leading up to something beautiful are almost as enjoyable as the thing itself.
Just allow yourself to say, “I’m excited about this. I really hope it works out.”
If it works, wonderful.
If it doesn’t, you’ll deal with the disappointment when it comes.
Don’t make yourself disappointed in advance just because you’re afraid life might do it later.
5. You Choose Familiar Misery Over Unfamiliar Happiness
I’m the queen of starting new things.
And that doesn’t mean I’m never scared.
I’m scared plenty.
Starting something new means you don’t know exactly how things will turn out.
You might succeed beyond your imagination, or you might fall flat on your face and have to gather yourself from the floor.
But fear is not a good enough reason to stay where I am.
Unfortunately, many of us would rather remain in a situation we already know is making us miserable than take a chance on something unfamiliar.
You hate your job, but you’ve been there for eight years, so at least you know the madness you’re dealing with.
You want to move somewhere new, go back to school, make new friends, change careers, or try something completely different, but your current life is familiar.
Familiarity is powerful, and even misery can become comfortable when you’ve lived with it long enough.
At least you know what to expect.
Unfamiliar happiness doesn’t give you that guarantee.
It asks you to leave what you know before you have proof that something better is waiting on the other side.
And that’s scary.
But sometimes, the life you keep saying you want is sitting behind a decision you’re terrified to make.
This doesn’t mean you should wake up tomorrow, resign from your job, leave your marriage, sell your house, and relocate to Bali because I said you should embrace the unknown.
Wisdom is still important.
Plan, save money, ask questions, get professional advice where necessary, and calculate your risks.
But don’t confuse being careful with being permanently stuck.
Being afraid of happiness doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t want to be happy.
Sometimes, it’s just because you’ve been disappointed enough times that you’ve learned to protect yourself from expecting too much from life.
But that protection can become a prison.
Don’t allow the possibility of future sadness to make you unavailable for today’s happiness.
When life gives you something beautiful, enjoy it.
Laugh loudly, celebrate your wins, get excited, thank God.
Pop whatever you’re popping.
You don’t need a guarantee that happiness will last forever before you’re allowed to enjoy it today.