One of the best things you can do for yourself as a woman is to develop healthy self-esteem.
Honestly, how you see yourself affects everything in your life.
It affects the relationships you enter, the friendships you keep, the opportunities you pursue, and even what you let people get away with.
A woman with high self-esteem is not necessarily the loudest woman in the room.
She doesn’t have to be the prettiest, richest, most educated, or most accomplished woman either.
She just knows her worth.
But she has learned not to tolerate some things.
1. Being Disrespected in the Name of Love
I don’t care how much someone claims to love you.
If they constantly insult you, embarrass you, belittle your achievements, or speak to you like you’re beneath them, that’s no love.
And don’t ever excuse disrespect because someone is angry.
Yes, people say things they don’t mean when they’re upset.
But if every disagreement ends with your partner calling you unprintable names, ask yourself why you’re putting up with it.
You can love someone and still refuse to be treated badly.
Love is not a license for disrespect.
2. Having to Beg for Basic Attention and Affection
There’s nothing wrong with telling your partner you need more attention.
In fact, healthy relationships require us to communicate our needs because your man is not a mind reader.
But imagine being in a relationship where you have to beg for every little thing.
You beg him to call, spend time with you, and show some affection.
Hian!
What the heck!?
It’s one thing to communicate your needs, and another to spend years trying to convince someone to care.
Affection should be given willingly, not extracted through endless pleading.
3. Friendships That Thrive on Competition and Jealousy
Not every woman who smiles with you is genuinely happy for you.
Some people enjoy your company as long as they believe they’re doing better than you.
I remember in nursing school, my roommate told me she hated me because I didn’t attend night classes to study as she did, yet I still got better grades than her.
Like, sis???
Are you for real?
So I’m supposed to apologize for passing my exams because I didn’t study the same way you did?
I mean, what kind of problem is that?
And that’s how some friendships are.
Friendship is not a competition.
Your success doesn’t take anything away from your friends, and their success shouldn’t threaten you either.
Life is already challenging enough without surrounding yourself with people who secretly resent you for doing well.
4. Being Made to Feel Guilty for Having Boundaries
One thing I’m learning to say more often these days is “NO.”
No, no, and NO!
As an extremely generous person, I sometimes give to my own hurt.
And one thing I’ve noticed is that if you don’t have boundaries as a giver, takers have no limits.
Some people will happily enjoy your kindness until the day you tell them no.
Then they call you selfish and proud; they think you’re better than everyone…
All because you refused to do something you didn’t want to do.
Being a good person doesn’t mean you have to say yes to every request.
You can refuse to lend money you cannot afford to lose; you can decline an invitation; you can choose not to help someone when doing so will put you in a difficult position; and you don’t have to feel guilty about it.
Generosity without boundaries will lead to self-neglect.
If you keep giving until you have nothing left, who takes care of you?
You can have a good heart and still know when to close your hands.
5. Constantly Comparing Herself to Other Women
We’ve always compared ourselves to others, but social media has made comparison even worse.
Before, you probably only compared yourself to your friends, sisters, colleagues, or neighbors.
Now, you can sit in your bedroom and compare your entire life to hundreds of women you’ve never even met.
You see someone your age buying a house, and suddenly, you feel behind in life.
Someone shows off her perfect body, and you start finding faults with yours.
The funny thing is, you might have been perfectly happy with your life five minutes before opening Instagram.
Remember: another woman’s success doesn’t make you a failure.
And just because someone achieved something before you doesn’t mean you’re late.
There’s nothing wrong with admiring other women or learning from them.
But never feel inadequate because someone else is doing well.
6. Being Kept as Someone’s Backup Option
You know that person who only remembers you when their preferred company is unavailable?
It could be a friend or a romantic partner.
They disappear for weeks and return when they’re bored.
They don’t want to choose you, but they don’t want you to move on either.
You cannot keep someone hanging indefinitely while enjoying all the benefits of having them around.
Stop tolerating people who only remember you when it’s convenient and don’t confuse occasional attention with true interest.
7. Being Pressured to Abandon Her Values to Fit In
One of the biggest signs of confidence is being comfortable making choices other people don’t understand.
I remember quitting my job as a nurse to pursue my writing career, and people looked at me like I was crazy.
Well, maybe I was. 😂
Because who leaves a stable nursing job to become a writer?
But I knew what I wanted, and I wasn’t deterred by other people’s opinions.
Today, I make in a month what I wouldn’t have made in a year working as a nurse.
Of course, I’m not saying everyone should quit their job and follow their passion.
My decision came with risks, and I’m grateful it worked out for me.
But imagine if I had let people’s opinions determine the direction of my life.
And it’s not just about career choices.
You don’t have to drink because your friends drink or get married because everyone around you is getting married.
It’s okay to listen to advice, learn from others, and even change your mind when necessary.
But in the end, you’re the one who has to live with the consequences of your decisions.
Don’t let people who won’t live your life make all your decisions for you.
8. Constantly Being Taken for Granted
I wrote a post on social media recently saying, “The value you place on your relationship with me is the same value I’ll place on my relationship with you.”
And some people had a problem with it.
Like, what’s the problem exactly?
Am I supposed to keep investing in a relationship with someone who doesn’t think I’m worth the same effort?
I don’t believe relationships should be transactional, and I’m certainly not advocating keeping score.
But it’s exhausting being the person everybody remembers when they need something but forgets when you need support.
You’re the one who always calls, checks in, remembers birthdays, and when you finally stop making all the effort, the relationship dies.
So, was there even a relationship in the first place, or were you the one keeping it alive?
There will be seasons when one person gives more than the other, but when you’re consistently the only one making an effort, it makes no sense.
I’m at a point in my life where I don’t want to force relationships.
I will love you, support you, celebrate you, and show up for you as much as I can.
But I also want to know that our relationship matters to you.
Relationships should be mutual, not one person doing all the loving while the other person enjoys the benefits.
Having high self-esteem doesn’t mean thinking you’re better than other people or cutting them off whenever they disappoint you.
People make mistakes, and relationships require forgiveness and understanding.
But don’t accept behaviors that hurt you.
You don’t have to think you’re better than anyone to know you deserve better treatment.