At some point in life, you have to stop caring about being liked because some people will never like you, no matter what you do, and it’s useless to convince them otherwise.
I stumbled on a post on Instagram recently where the original poster clocked 40, and asked what people 40 and above are doing differently.
I went through the comment section (you know that’s where the real tea is), and one thing most people said was “they no longer care what people think.”
Even the award-winning writer, Chimamanda Adichie, once said in an interview that “When you’re 40, you look into your bag and realize you have absolutely zero fucks to give.” 😂
Funny, but she’s right.
There’s a freedom that comes with aging and maturity.
That said, you shouldn’t live for people’s validation and just live.
Howeverrrrr, balance is everything.
If you want to live a meaningful and productive life, you can’t say you don’t care if you’re liked.
You can’t afford to be completely indifferent to whether people like you.
You have to care who likes you, and if people who are supposed to like you don’t, you’ll be in trouble.
Imagine your boss at work not liking you, or your spouse, or even your BFF!
If your boss doesn’t like you, your work life will be hell!
I don’t pray you experience a marriage where you are loved but not liked.
Because people can be in your life and not like you, but tolerate you.
If you’ve observed that people don’t like you, it might be due to these two things: you complain a lot, or you’re judgmental.
You Complain About Everything
There are some people in my life whose calls I never answer because after ”hello, the next thing is to tell me everything that is wrong in their lives.
My peace and mental space are so important to me, so I protect them from every negativity.
And what other things scream negativity more than constant complaining?
Even God hates grumbling and complaining.
Go ask the Israelis in the Bible what they experienced because they were complaining.
I know life is hard, and sometimes you need to vent, but that’s different from making complaining your entire personality.
If you complain a lot, people will not like you, even those who are supposed to, because being around you is draining.
You suck the energy out of every room and turn everyone to your therapist.
See, life is hard already.
Adulting is showing everyone pepper.
People want to be around those who uplift them, not someone who makes everything feel heavier than it already is.
Isn’t that why we follow comedians on social media and save funny reels on Facebook and Instagram?
We just want to laugh because life is tough.
You’re Too Judgmental
The funny thing about being judgmental is that judgmental people rarely see themselves as judgmental.
It’s ironic because you see things that are wrong about others but never see the things that are wrong about yourself.
You think you are just being honest or opinionated.
Well, I’m not saying you shouldn’t have opinions or be honest or have standards you judge people by, but be careful.
After doing something I never thought I would do some years ago, I’m telling people, ”Never say never.”
Life has a way of humbling you and showing you that circumstances can push anyone into situations they swore they’d never be in.
So when you’re too judgmental, you’re setting yourself up to eat your words later.
There’s a friend I never tell anything to because she will find a way to make you feel she can do better than you.
Gush!
One time, she judged me for how I handled my kids.
Guess what? I never brought my kids around her again!
I’m not saying you can’t be honest with me, but how about doing it with love?
That’s the difference between caring and being judgmental.
Even the Bible admonishes us to speak the truth in love.Â
When you’re judgmental, you make people uncomfortable.
They can’t relax around you because they’re constantly wondering what you’re thinking and whether you’ll dudge them later.
Even on social media, if your posts are all about criticizing other people, don’t be surprised when you win the award for Most Disliked Person.
Because really, nobody likes a judgmental person who feels she’s better than others and can do better than them in every situation.
People want to be around those who make them feel accepted and can disagree without being condescending, not someone who has appointed themselves as the moral police of everyone’s life decisions.
I’m not saying you need everyone to like you.
You don’t.
Some people won’t like you, even if you are the best thing since sliced bread, and that’s fine.
But if you notice people don’t like you, it’s time to look in the mirror.
Are you the complainer who drains everyone’s energy or the judgmental one who makes people feel like they’re never good enough?
Because those two things will guarantee that even people who want to like you will start keeping their distance.
And the irony is, you’ll probably complain about being lonely and judge everyone for not being a good friend.
Fix it before you lose people who matter!