I’ve made mistakes in relationships.
We all have, but some mistakes cost more than others.
There are things you should never do for a man, no matter how much you love him.
And if you’re doing any of these things right now, sis, it’s time to stop.
6 Things You Should Never Do for a Man as a Smart Woman
1. Never Abandon Your Dreams for His
The world is full of women filled with regrets for abandoning their education, careers, and passions for a man.
Women who gave up scholarships for men who eventually left them.
Women who turned down job opportunities to follow a man to his city, only for the relationship to end.
Don’t be that woman because a smart woman never abandons her dreams for a man, not for a boyfriend, a fiancé, or even for a husband.
A man who truly loves you will never ask you to sacrifice your dreams for his.
He’ll support your ambitions, encourage your goals, and ensure both of you grow.
A selfish man will make you feel like choosing yourself means you don’t love him enough.
And before you know it, you’ve put your life on hold while he builds his, and the tragic part is most of those men don’t even appreciate the sacrifice.
Never abandon your dreams for a man.
Build with him, yes, but never at the expense of building yourself because relationships end and people change.
But your dreams are yours, and you’ll regret giving them up for anyone.
2. Never Accept Disrespect Because You’re Afraid of Being Alone
I won’t lie, loneliness isn’t cute, especially when most of your friends are married, and you’re still single or dealing with a difficult relationship.
The fear of being alone is real, and the thought of starting over is terrifying.
Being disrespected by someone who’s supposed to love you is worse than being alone.
A smart woman never accepts disrespect because she’s afraid of being alone.
She’d rather be single and at peace than in a relationship that constantly chips away at her dignity.
Because disrespect doesn’t get better with time, it gets worse.
Being alone means you get to keep your peace, your dignity, your self-respect.
The pressure in the world is tough right now.
The job market is not smiling; it’s just a really volatile and uncertain time.
So I understand that sometimes, men struggle financially, and sometimes they lose jobs.
If you’re in a committed relationship or marriage, supporting each other through tough seasons is part of partnership.
But know the difference between supporting a man who’s going through a tough time and financially carrying a man who’s comfortable being carried.
If he’s actively looking for work, applying for jobs, upskilling, trying to build something, and you help him during that season, that’s you being supportive.
But if he’s sitting at home doing nothing, making excuses, not even trying to improve his situation, while you’re working multiple jobs to pay the bills, stay sharp, sis, because you’re being used.
A man who is serious about his future will invest in himself.
He’ll look for jobs even when it’s discouraging, learn new skills, and take whatever honest work he can find while working toward something better.
He won’t be comfortable letting his woman carry all the financial weight while he does nothing.
But a man who isn’t investing in himself will gladly let you pay his bills while he waits for “the right opportunity” that never comes and resent you for it later.
He’ll feel emasculated that you were the provider and throw it in your face during arguments.
So never financially support a man who isn’t investing in himself because support is temporary, while dependency is a trap.
And a smart woman knows the difference.
4. Never Give Him Husband Privileges When He’s Just a Boyfriend
Women do this a lot, and it doesn’t make sense.
You think being “wife material” means acting like a wife before you are one.
So you cook for him, clean for him, sleep with him, support him emotionally and financially, play house with him, all while he’s just your boyfriend.
And then you wonder why he’s not proposing.
Sis, why would he buy the cow when he’s getting the milk, in fact, the whole farm for free?
A smart woman never gives husband privileges to a man who hasn’t given her wife security.
Because tell me, what are you trying to prove?
You’re not his wife, and until he’s ready to commit to you fully and publicly, he doesn’t get full access to you.
That doesn’t mean you can’t care about him or support him, but not being a full-time unpaid wife.
A good man/relationship can bring immense joy and even increase your self-esteem, knowing you’re loved and cherished.
In fact, Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs includes love and belonging as fundamental human needs.
So wanting a relationship is completely normal, but that’s not enough reason to make a man your entire identity.
Because when your entire identity is wrapped up in being his woman, what happens when the relationship ends?
Who are you without him?
You are not half of a whole; you’re a complete person who happens to be in a relationship.
You had dreams, interests, goals, passions, friendships, and a life before him, and you should still have all of those things with him.
Your man should be part of your identity, not the entirety of it.
6. Never Cut Off Your Support System for Him
I’ve seen women who get into a relationship and even marriage, and suddenly, everyone else doesn’t matter, all because they are “in love” and that’s their priority now.
And I get it. When you’re in a new relationship, you want to spend all your time with your love, but you shouldn’t cut off your support system for a man.
The people who loved you before him are the same people you need when things get hard with him.
Your friends and your family, these are the people who know you and genuinely care about your well-being, so isolating yourself from them for a man is one of the most dangerous things you can do.
I see this too many times:
A woman gets into a relationship, and she stops calling her friends.
She distances herself from family and becomes unavailable to everyone except him.
Then one day, there’s trouble in paradise, or she realizes she needs someone to talk to, and who does she turn to?
The friends and family she abandoned.
Except now, some of them have moved on because they are hurt by how she disappeared.
Some don’t trust that she won’t vanish again the moment things get better with him.
And she’s left feeling alone in a relationship that was supposed to complete her.
Know this and know peace: A good man will never ask you to cut off your support system.
In fact, a good man encourages you to maintain those relationships because he understands that you need community, not just him.
And a smart woman knows that the right man will fit into her life, not replace it.