Some affairs shock you; others make you ask, “But how did you even allow yourself to go there?”
Cheating with your wife’s best friend belongs in the second category.
Because out of everybody in this big, beautiful world, you chose the woman who knows your wife’s deepest secrets, has eaten in your home, celebrated your anniversaries, played with your children, and even advised your wife about your marriage?
And the best friend too?
Ma’am, we need answers. 😭
What makes this kind of affair especially painful is that the wife isn’t dealing with one betrayal.
She’s dealing with two.
The man who promised to be faithful to her betrayed her, and the woman she trusted enough to call her best friend was complicit.
And naturally, you wonder: Why her?
Why would a man cheat with someone so dangerously close to his wife?
Why Do Men Cheat With Their Wife’s Best Friend? 6 Reasons Why
1. She already has access to him
Proximity is the mother of many relationships that should never have happened.
It’s easier to develop feelings for someone you see regularly than for someone you don’t even know exists.
Your wife’s best friend doesn’t need to manufacture reasons to be around you.
She’s already coming to your house. She’s at birthdays, dinners, family hangouts, and celebrations.
She may even go on trips with your family or spend weekends at your house.
Familiarity is powerful.
The more you see someone, the more comfortable you can become with them.
You learn their sense of humor, get to know their personality, and discover things you have in common.
The person who was once “my wife’s friend” becomes Delilah, the funny woman who loves the same movies you do and always understands your jokes.
This is why boundaries matter, even when everyone involved is a good person.
Because human beings are human beings.
We become attracted to people we spend time with.
What matters is what we do with that attraction.
2. She may admire the version of him her friend talks about
No matter how close you are to your best friend, I believe you should keep some things private in your marriage.
Your sex life is one of them.
Some women cannot help themselves.
Once they get together with their girlfriends, they start giving reviews nobody asked for.
“Girl, my husband is amazing in bed.”
Okay, congratulations. Please keep the rest of that testimony in your marital bedroom.
Because you don’t know what is happening in another person’s heart.
Imagine constantly telling a friend who is struggling sexually in her own marriage how incredible your husband is in bed.
Maybe she’s even single, lonely, and hasn’t experienced that kind of intimacy in a long time.
You’re giving her information she doesn’t need.
Of course, hearing that your friend’s husband is great in bed doesn’t automatically make you want him.
A woman with good boundaries will hear it and still think, ”Good for you, sis.”
But not everybody has good boundaries.
Your best friend can know that you have a happy marriage without knowing everything that makes it happy.
Some parts of marriage deserve to remain between the two people who said, “I do.”
3. There’s already trust by association
One reason betrayals from your spouse and your best friend hit so hard is that you never thought you needed to protect yourself from either of them.
These are your people.
Your husband is supposed to love you, and your best friend is supposed to have your back.
So naturally, you trust them around each other.
You don’t panic because they’re having a conversation while you’re in another room.
You can leave them together without your imagination immediately producing a Netflix documentary.
Because there is already trust by association.
Unfortunately, that trust can create opportunity when you’re dealing with two people who don’t have proper boundaries.
4. Forbidden attraction can make it feel more exciting
I’ll never understand how people cheat with people who are that close to them.
For me, my best friend’s husband is a complete no-go area.
In fact, I mentally put him in the same category as family.
Some people your brain should automatically remove from the list of romantic possibilities, and your best friend’s husband should be near the top.
So the thought of sleeping with him would feel almost incestuous to me.
Sadly, what one person finds disgusting and unthinkable can feel exciting to another.
Some people get a bigger thrill from crossing a boundary precisely because it’s so serious.
And your wife’s best friend is about as forbidden as it gets.
5. He assumes she’s less likely to expose him
One reason some affairs go undiscovered for years is mutual destruction.
Both people know that if one person talks, everybody burns.
And an affair with your wife’s best friend comes with enough fuel to burn an entire village.
If a man cheats with a random woman and things go sour, she might expose him because she doesn’t have much to lose.
But his wife’s best friend has plenty to lose too.
If the affair comes out, he could lose his marriage, but she could lose her best friend and even the respect of people who know exactly how close she was to the woman she betrayed.
So they both hold information that could destroy the other.
6. Envy can be hiding underneath the friendship
Not every friend is happy for you.
I know that sounds cynical, especially when we’re talking about a best friend, but human beings are complicated.
Someone can love you and still envy you.
Maybe she has watched your husband treat you well for years.
Meanwhile, her own relationship may be a mess, or she may be single and tired of men who disappoint her.
Your husband then becomes the standard in her head.
If your bestie has been envious of you, sleeping with your husband is a twisted way to prove your life isn’t as perfect as you think.
And you’re not so special after all.
Some people you may find attractive in this life you should never entertain.
Your wife’s best friend should be one of them.
Your best friend’s husband should be one of them too.
When those two people cross that line, the damage goes far beyond sex.
A woman can lose her marriage and her closest friendship in one discovery.
That’s why this kind of affair hurts differently.
You’re not only discovering that your husband wasn’t who you thought he was.
You’re discovering that your best friend wasn’t either.
Losing two people you trusted at the same time is the betrayal that hurts the most.