I know you’ve heard about toxic partners, toxic friends, toxic bosses, toxic parents, and the list goes on.
We are encouraged to recognize toxic behaviors displayed by others around us and distance ourselves from them.
For our mental health.
Yeah, mental health is everything these days, especially for Gen Zs.
No offense, please.
I’m just a millennial.
Anyways, it’s true.
You should totally stay away from toxic people, but have you ever stopped and asked yourself, “Am I being toxic to myself?”
Because sometimes, we can be our own worst enemies without even realizing it.
Check out these signs that you might be being toxic to yourself.
10 Signs You Are Being Toxic to Yourself
1. Negative Self-Talk
Yes, you are not perfect.
Who is anyway?
But constantly putting yourself down and belittling your achievements is a sure sign of toxic behavior towards yourself.
You are not being humble; you are being self-destructive because negative self-talk is like having a little critic living in your head who just won’t give you a break.
It’s that nagging voice that questions and doubts everything you do, always ready to point out flaws or failures, real or imagined.
Instead of building you up, it tears you down, making you feel less confident and more insecure.
Imagine telling yourself things like, “I’m just not good enough,” or, “There’s no way I can do this right.”
These thoughts can become so automatic that you hardly even notice how much they affect your mood and choices.
For example, if you’re about to try something new and think, “I’ll surely mess it up,” you might convince yourself not to attempt it.
Or you might make a mistake at work and immediately think, “I’m so stupid; I should just give up.”
These are clear signs of negative self-talk, and I do it sometimes.
Catching yourself in the act is the first step to flipping the script and speaking to yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend.
Pay attention to your thoughts and reframe them in a more positive light.
For example, replace “I’m so stupid” with “I made a mistake, but I am learning from it.”
2. Setting Unrealistic Expectations
We all have goals and dreams we want to achieve, which is amazing.
Some people want to finish school in a year, get a lucrative job or start a business the next, get married and have kids by 25, travel the world before 30, or become a millionaire by 40.
These expectations may seem ambitious, but they are not impossible to achieve.
However, when we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves and beat ourselves up for not meeting them, it becomes toxic.
We put immense pressure on ourselves to be perfect and finish everything at lightning speed.
And when reality doesn’t match our expectations, we spiral into self-criticism and feelings of failure.
Set realistic goals that challenge you and allow room for mistakes and setbacks.
Progress takes time, and taking things one step at a time is okay.
3. Comparing Yourself to Others
Thanks to social media, comparing ourselves to others has become a habit.
We scroll through our feeds and see people living their best lives, traveling to exotic destinations, getting promotions, buying fancy cars, or getting engaged.
And suddenly, we feel inadequate and start questioning our choices and accomplishments.
Social media only shows the highlight reel of someone’s life.
You are only seeing what they want you to see.
Comparing yourself to others is unfair because you are comparing your journey with someone else’s highlights.
Focus on your path and celebrate your wins without diminishing them by comparing them to others.
4. Putting Others Before Yourself
The world could use a kinder and more selfless person like you, but not at the expense of your well-being.
If you constantly put others’ needs before your own, you’ll burn out and be resentful.
Neglecting your self-care for the sake of others is a toxic pattern that will drain you physically, emotionally, and mentally.
You cannot pour from an empty cup, so take care of yourself first before taking care of others.
5. Holding onto Grudges
Forgiveness is not always easy, but holding onto grudges only hurts you in the end.
I’m sure you must have heard before that holding onto anger and resentment towards someone else is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
As long as you are in the world, people will hurt you, just as you’ll hurt others.
It’s a part of life.
Holding onto grudges and refusing to forgive only breeds negativity within yourself.
You become consumed by anger and bitterness, unable to move on and find inner peace.
When I have issues with someone, merely seeing the person’s pictures or name gets my heart racing.
Now, imagine seeing the person in real life.
So, I learned to let go and forgive for my own sake, and I encourage you to do the same.
6. Constantly Seeking Validation
I’d be lying if I said validation from others doesn’t feel good.
We all want validation from others in some form, like getting likes on social media, compliments from our friends, or recognition at work.
But when we constantly seek validation from others to feel worthy or accepted, we are being toxic to ourselves because we give away our power and self-worth to someone else’s opinion, and trust me, people aren’t that generous with their validation.
Instead, we need to learn to validate ourselves and find worth from within.
This can be done through self-reflection, setting personal goals, and focusing on our growth and happiness rather than seeking approval from others.
It may take time and effort, but the rewards of self-validation are far greater than any external validation could ever be.
7. Perfectionism
Perfectionism?
I’m so guilty of this.
I used to think striving for perfection was good because it showed I cared about my work and wanted to do my best.
But the truth is that perfectionism is paralyzing.
I’m all for excellence and putting effort into our work, but perfectionism is a different beast.
Because perfectionists set unrealistically high standards and are intensely critical of themselves when they fall short.
I can relate. 😩
This relentless pursuit of perfection leads to chronic dissatisfaction and stress because, really, nobody’s perfect.
Perfectionism can also paralyze you with fear of making mistakes, preventing you from starting new projects or taking risks.
Instead of valuing the learning process, you might obsess over every tiny error, which can stifle creativity and hinder growth.
Now that I know how toxic this behavior is, I try to focus on progress rather than perfection.
Progress, not perfection!
Also, accept that making mistakes is part of learning.
Celebrate small wins and remind yourself that done is often better than perfect.
8. Doubting Your Intuition
You know that gut feeling or inner voice that tells you something is off?
That’s your intuition.
For example, let’s say you’re considering an investment opportunity, but something just doesn’t feel right.
Maybe you can’t quite pinpoint why, but your intuition is telling you to be cautious.
If you go ahead with the investment despite your intuition, you may regret it later.
Another example is that you may have met someone who seems to tick all the boxes for your dream partner, but something just feels off.
Your intuition may be trying to tell you that this person is not a good match for you.
When we doubt our intuition and ignore warning signs, we can make decisions that are not in alignment with our true desires and values.
Trust your gut and listen to your inner voice; it’s often trying to protect you from potential harm or regret.
Each time you doubt your intuition, you tell yourself your instincts are untrustworthy.
So, start small to reconnect with your intuition.
Next time you have a decision to make, take a moment to truly listen to that inner voice.
Pay attention to any physical sensations that may accompany it, such as unease or discomfort.
These are all signs that your intuition is trying to guide you.
Embrace those hunches as they arise, and slowly but surely, you’ll build greater trust in your own judgment.
9. Not Setting Boundaries
When you give people an inch, they often take a mile.
There’s a saying where I come from, ”People will carry your calabash just the way you carry it.”
In other words, people will walk all over you if you don’t set boundaries.
Boundaries are simply guidelines for what you will and will not tolerate in your life.
They help protect your time, energy, and sanity.
But many of us struggle with setting boundaries because we want to be liked or avoid conflict.
However, setting boundaries is an act of self-care and self-respect.
It shows that you value yourself and your needs and sets clear expectations for others.
If you constantly say yes to things you don’t want to do or allow people to treat you unfairly, it’s just a matter of time before someone takes advantage of you.
10. Not Asking for Help
Again, this has my name written all over it.
I don’t particularly appreciate asking for help because I hate being let down.
I would rather struggle and figure things out on my own than rely on someone else who may disappoint me.
This is a toxic behavior, I admit, but it’s something I’m working on changing.
I’ve learned that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but strength.
Admitting when we need assistance takes courage, and it allows others to show their support and care for us.
We don’t know everything, and that’s okay.
Asking for help can improve our skills, knowledge, and relationships.
If, like me, you are guilty of most of these toxic habits, don’t worry.
The first step to change is acknowledging and accepting them.
Then, make a conscious effort to work on better habits and behaviors.
You can break these patterns and become a happier, healthier person.
We all have room for improvement, and that’s what makes us human.
So let go of these toxic habits and embrace positive changes in your life.
I’m rooting for you!