Insecurity is so sneaky that a lot of women don’t even realize they’re being insecure.
They think they’re protecting themselves and making sure they don’t get hurt.
But really, they’re suffocating the relationship.
Here are the things insecure women do in relationships.
6 Things Insecure Women Do In Relationships
1. You go through his phone
I’m not saying you can’t check your partner’s phone.
There should be transparency in a healthy relationship.
You should be able to pick up each other’s phones without it being a federal crime, but there’s a difference between transparency and surveillance.
Transparency is, his phone is on the table, it buzzes, you glance at it.
He has nothing to hide; you’re not actively searching.
Surveillance is waiting until he’s in the shower so you can go through his messages, search history, deleted texts, Instagram likes, and DMs.
That’s an investigation, and if you’re doing that, you don’t trust him.
You’re looking for evidence, building a case, and waiting to catch him doing something wrong.
If you don’t trust him, why are you with him?
Either he’s actually untrustworthy, and you should leave, or he’s trustworthy, and you’re creating problems that don’t exist.
Secure women don’t need to snoop to feel safe; they communicate, ask questions, and trust until given an actual reason not to.
Not a feeling, an actual reason, because constantly going through his phone won’t make you feel better.
It’ll just feed your insecurity and make you look for problems that might not even be there.
2. You apologize for everything
It’s okay to be humble and admit when you’re wrong.
That’s maturity, but apologizing for everything is insecurity.
You apologize for having needs, for being upset, for wanting his attention, for taking up space, for literally everything!
You’re not actually sorry, sis, you’re afraid.
Afraid that if you ask for too much, he’ll leave, afraid that you’re too much.
So you apologize for being human, and you hope that if you’re easy enough, he’ll stay.
If a man makes you feel like you need to apologize for being human, he’s not the one.
3. You need constant reassurance
I won’t lie, a little bit of reassurance is nice.
Every woman, no matter how confident, likes to hear that she’s loved and that she’s beautiful, but enjoying reassurance and needing it to function are different things.
Needing it is when you can’t go a day without asking:
“Do you still love me?”
“Are you sure?”
“You’re not going to leave me, right?”
“You still think I’m pretty?”
Over and over, every single day!
And at first, he reassures you.
He says yes, of course, always.
But eventually, it gets exhausting because no amount of reassurance is ever enough.
The anxiety comes back the next day, and the day after that.
He could tell you he loves you a hundred times, and you’d still need to hear it again tomorrow because you don’t believe it, not because he’s not being clear.
And that’s the real problem.
You don’t believe him when he says it, so you keep asking and needing him to prove something he’s already proven.
4. You get jealous of his friends, his hobbies, his time
When did being in a relationship mean you have to give up everything else in your life?
Because that’s what you’re expecting from him.
That’s why when he goes out with his friends, you’re upset, you feel neglected when he spends time on his hobby, and when he needs a few hours to himself, you take it personally.
In your mind, if he really loved you, he’d want to spend all his time with you.
But that’s suffocation, not love.
He had a life before you.
He had friends, interests, hobbies, things that made him who he is, and now you’re in his life, which is beautiful.
But you’re not supposed to be his entire life.
That’s not healthy for him, and honestly, it’s not healthy for you either, because when you make someone your whole world, you have nothing outside of them.
Understand that a man can love you deeply and still need to do the things he enjoys.
It’s not a rejection of you; it’s him being a whole person, and you should want that because you need the same thing.
5. You change yourself to keep him
I know no relationship will leave you the same.
You have to change some things about yourself to accommodate another person in your life.
That’s compromise, but that doesn’t mean you should erase yourself by pretending to like things you hate, hiding parts of who you are, and becoming whoever you think he wants you to be.
You pretend to love sports when you don’t care and suppress your opinions because you’re afraid he won’t like them.
You’re shapeshifting, trying to mold yourself into his perfect woman because you’re terrified that if he sees the real you, he’ll leave.
I’ll tell you this: if you have to be someone else to keep him, you haven’t kept him; you’ve kept a version of yourself that doesn’t even exist.
And eventually, you’ll get exhausted because you can’t keep up a performance forever.
6. You monitor his every move
It’s cute to know where your partner is, to check in during the day, and care about their safety, like, “Hey, did you get there okay?”
“How’s your day going?”
That’s care, but that’s not what you’re doing, hun.
You need to know where he is at all times, who he’s with, what he’s doing, when he’ll be back…all because you’re suspicious, not because you’re interested.
You frame it as concern.
“Oh, I just worry about you.”
“I just like to know you’re safe.”
But really, you’re keeping tabs, making sure he’s where he said he’d be, and he’s not doing something he shouldn’t.
That’s surveillance, and he can feel it.
He can feel the difference between “I care about you” and “I don’t trust you.”
If you’re recognizing yourself in these, don’t panic.
Insecurity doesn’t make you a bad person; it makes you human.
We’ve all been insecure, done some of these things, but the question is: are you going to stay there?
Because insecurity pushes away the person you’re trying to hold onto.
So here’s what you need to do:
- Work on yourself, not for him. For you.
Figure out why you don’t trust and why you need constant validation.
- Communicate instead of testing. Tell him what you need instead of waiting to see if he’ll figure it out.
- Trust until given a reason not to. Don’t punish him for things he hasn’t done.
- Get comfortable being alone, so you’re with him because you want to be, not because you’re terrified of being by yourself.
You can’t have a healthy relationship while you’re this insecure.
You’ll sabotage it and create the very thing you’re afraid of.
So do the work, so you can be whole with or without him.
That’s when you’ll finally stop being insecure in relationships, and you realize you’re enough, all by yourself.